List Price: $16.95
6" x 9" (15.24 x 22.86 cm)
Black & White on Cream paper
304 pages
Black & White on Cream paper
304 pages
ISBN-13: 978-1463567538
ISBN-10: 1463567537
BISAC: Fiction / Lesbian
ISBN-10: 1463567537
BISAC: Fiction / Lesbian
"Your journals have answered a lot of my questions, but they've also generated more. I'm glad we have the rest of our lives to figure out the answers together."
"Love is something you stumble over, or falls on top of you, or chases you into unfamiliar territory. It isn't something you phone out for and have delivered to your door. It's more like a phantom train. You don't see it coming, but you know when it runs you over and leaves you bleeding on the tracks."
Falling in love is a risky business. When the love you find is the forbidden kind, it becomes even more risky. Who says what kind of love should be forbidden? Even though times are changing, it is still sometimes very risky for same-sex couples to express their love. It can be downright dangerous in some parts of the world and even in some regions of this country.
The Diary of Allie Katz is a story of love forbidden by our society. An age gap that would be irrelevant a few years in the future is much more distinct when lovers are young. When one is a student and the other a teacher, the forbidden aspect is more prominent. Given that it is love between two young women, the scandal deepens and threatens to drown the young lovers in despair while they battle with the reality of norms, mores, and discriminatory laws. But love, as risky as plucking a rose in the midst of thorns, is worth the risk when it is true.
"Love is something you stumble over, or falls on top of you, or chases you into unfamiliar territory. It isn't something you phone out for and have delivered to your door. It's more like a phantom train. You don't see it coming, but you know when it runs you over and leaves you bleeding on the tracks."
Falling in love is a risky business. When the love you find is the forbidden kind, it becomes even more risky. Who says what kind of love should be forbidden? Even though times are changing, it is still sometimes very risky for same-sex couples to express their love. It can be downright dangerous in some parts of the world and even in some regions of this country.
The Diary of Allie Katz is a story of love forbidden by our society. An age gap that would be irrelevant a few years in the future is much more distinct when lovers are young. When one is a student and the other a teacher, the forbidden aspect is more prominent. Given that it is love between two young women, the scandal deepens and threatens to drown the young lovers in despair while they battle with the reality of norms, mores, and discriminatory laws. But love, as risky as plucking a rose in the midst of thorns, is worth the risk when it is true.
Dear Diary,
I turned fifteen today. Yay! That sounds kind of old to me. Before you know it, I'll be "sweet sixteen and never been kissed." Ugh, I hope not. Surely I will have my first kiss by then. It will have to be someone special though. I'm not going to kiss just anyone.
This diary is one of my birthday presents. Mom says that every woman should have a diary. I'm not sure I'm a woman yet. Sure, fifteen is getting close, but I haven't had sex yet. For that matter, I haven't even held hands with a guy. There are a lot of cute guys at school, but they all seem so immature. All they talk about is sports and cars, cars and sports. Either that or they talk about girls. Please! I don't think they know the first thing about girls. Of course, I don't know much about guys either. All I know is that I don't mind being friends with them, but I haven't found anyone who is right for me yet.
I think I'm going to like writing in this diary. My English teacher, Mrs. Haze, says that keeping a journal is good writing practice. She's going to give us extra credit if we write for the rest of the school year. The only problem is that I don't really know what to write about. Frankly I don't think my life is all that exciting. Sometimes interesting things happen at school, but not very often. Maybe I could just make up things to write. Mrs. Haze never said that our journals had to be true to life. She just told us to write whatever pops into our heads. Hmm. That could prove to be interesting.
It's not as though I'm living through a war or anything, like Anne Frank for instance. That was such a sad book. We had to read it in our history class this year. What she wrote about her life was fascinating, but it's terrible to think about how her life ended. Perhaps I'm better off just writing about the little things that happen in the life of a teenage girl living in the mountains of North Carolina
We celebrated my birthday tonight so Dad could be here. He's been working late all week. Mom made a Chocolate Cherry Delight cake. She blended in some crushed cherries to make the icing pink. It was gooey and rich. Yum! Not good for my complexion though I bet. Oh well. It's not like I eat that kind of stuff all the time.
Some of my relatives sent me birthday cards with money in them. Including what I got in the mail today, I received a total of twenty-seven dollars. I think I'll use the money for new tapes or maybe books. Or maybe both. Whatever! I can figure that out once I get to the mall and look around. Sometimes the anticipation of buying something new is just as exciting as actually doing it.
Mom and Dad were so nice for my birthday. Of course, they usually are nice. I guess I'm lucky that way. I actually get along with my parents. Most of my friends' parents aren't around very often, and when they are, they don't talk to each other a whole lot. Except for the Mackeys. They're pretty cool. They like talking to their daughters and their daughters’ friends. I think they wish they were still teenagers. Sherri told me that they were pretty wild when they were young. I guess that's where Sherri got her wild streak.
I enjoy going to Sherri's house because her parents play their old rock records for us. I really like Elton John's old stuff. Some of his newer stuff is good too, but I like his older albums better. He has a strange way of making songs upbeat, even if the subject matter isn’t. Sometimes it's like the words and the music are in direct contrast with one another. Other times depressing topics are made even more so by his choice of music. It’s kind of hard to explain unless you listen to his music a lot.
I can't think of anything to write this morning. Probably because I just wrote last night. I haven't done anything yet today besides eating breakfast and cleaning my room. That's hardly the kind of thing you want to write about in your diary. I guess I'll read. I have a book report due next week. I'd rather go biking, but I have a flat tire right now. Oh well. I guess I'd better stop procrastinating and get my homework done. I love to read books, but I don't particularly like writing about them. Bye!
Gosh, I can't believe I forgot to write yesterday. Sundays are usually boring. Not yesterday though. I went over to Sherri's house to work on our biology project. We got a lot of work done until Steve and Mark Palencio showed up. Sherri is dating Mark, so I ended up spending a couple hours with Steve. He's really sweet and cute. Of course, Mark's cute too, but that's pretty obvious since they're identical twins. You can tell them apart though, if you hang around them a lot.
Anyway, Steve and I talked a lot. He likes old rock music too. He said that he plays his parents' cassette tapes all the time. It's funny because there is a little group of us who don't like 80's rock as much as the 60's and 70's stuff. It's really weird. Sherri's parents heard us talking about music, so they came in and asked if we wanted to listen to Jim Croce.
I had a great time. Steve is interesting to talk to. There's more to him than just cars, sports, and sex. He wants to be a lawyer when he gets older. But he says that he doesn't want to be the kind that rips people off. He wants to be a public defender, so he can help people who can't afford to help themselves legally. I think that's pretty decent of him.
Mom is going to take me to the Asheville Mall this evening so I can spend my birthday money. I won't have to buy clothes though, since I got some from my parents already. They have such good taste for people their age. Ha, ha! Seriously though, I can't wait to wear my new French blue button-down Oxford
Speaking of blue eyes, some girl at school today (I don't even know who she was) told me I should bleach my hair blonde, because then I'd be perfect—blonde hair and blue eyes. What on earth does hair and eye color have to do with being perfect? At first I thought it was a joke, but she kept going on and on about it, so I know she was serious. I don't know why people think that combination is better than any other. I like my blue eyes, but then I like anything that's blue. But I don't understand why blondes are supposed to be better than brunettes or red heads. Some people are so strange! I happen to like my brown hair, thank you very much. I guess I should just forget about her, but she gave me the creeps.
We've been watching these films in school about the Nazi prison camps and stuff. Maybe that's where that girl got the idea about blonde hair and blue eyes. Perhaps she wishes she could be a Nazi. Ugh! Well, whatever her problem is, I hope I don't run into her again. She was in the bathroom at school when I went in there, and she made a point of staying there talking to me until I left. I think I interrupted her cigarette smoking because it smelled like smoke when I walked in. I'm not even sure she had been smoking a regular cigarette. She seemed rather out of it. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to go to the bathroom at school. That’s all I need is to get busted because someone else is smoking pot in the bathroom when all I needed to do is pee.
Woohoo! I got an A minus on my history test. I thought for sure I had blown it. I forgot to study for it until just before class. That means I should have all A's again this year, so that's good. I'll be glad when school's out though. Baseball season has started, but I can go only to the weekend games because of homework and getting up for school the next day. During the summer Dad and I usually go to all the home games. The Asheville Tourists are really good.
I got a new tube for my bike yesterday when Mom and I went shopping. I offered to pay for it, but she said that I should spend my birthday money on other things. So I did. I got a book Mrs. Haze mentioned in class recently. It sounded kind of interesting. The name of it is Jane Eyre. Mom said that she read it in high school. I also got a tape of Jim Croce's Greatest Hits. He's so good! He has this deep, rich voice that sounds as though he’s smoked too many cigars and drunk a bit too much whiskey over the years.
I'm glad it's Saturday. I've had so much homework this week. I haven't even had time to fix my bike. Not until this morning, that is. TA DA! My front tire is no longer a pancake. We must have pumped that stupid thing for an hour. We had to take turns. Personally I think we should have taken it to the gas station and filled it up with one of those air hoses. I didn't say anything though. I figured Dad knew what he was doing.
I've really missed my bike. I ran over a piece of broken bottle a couple weeks ago and punctured the tube with a splinter of glass. Anyway, I'm back on the road again. I think I'll ride over to Sherri's tomorrow instead of walking. I've been wearing out the soles of my Nikes. We need to finish our biology project, even if I have to tie her down to make her pay attention. She's so crazy when she's in love. I hope the Palencio twins don't come over. We really need to finish this stupid thing.
Sherri and I are almost done with our project. I have to draw two illustrations, and that's it. I should be able to get those done tonight. Sherri can't draw very well, so I've had to do all the artwork. Actually I've done most of the other work too, come to think of it. Sherri isn't the greatest partner to have when you're working on a project. But we're best friends so I could hardly have picked someone else. At least I know Sherri won't interfere with the project even if she doesn't help a whole lot.
We turned in our biology project today. We were actually the first ones to finish. I'm glad it's over. I wasn't sure it would be possible to keep Sherri's mind on genes and chromosomes. All she can think of is jeans and hormones--Mark's, that is. Ha, ha!
Yesterday she told me that things are getting pretty serious with him. He went over to her house Saturday night, while her parents were at the movies. He wasn't supposed to be there, but her older sister was the only one home. She doesn't care what Sherri does. She's even wilder than Sherri is. Anyway, Sherri and Mark didn't have sex exactly, but they did just about everything else. I don't think Sherri will be a virgin much longer.
I went for a long bike ride this afternoon. I hadn't been very far since I got the tire fixed. I figured I would pass out if I didn't build up gradually. Some of the hills around here are killers. I have really missed biking. I wish Dad could ride with me, but his job has been keeping him really busy lately. Mom isn't interested in sports. She says that her favorite exercise is to curl up with a good book. I like that too, but I have too much energy to do that all the time.
Hi! What's new with you? Me, I'm just freaking out. Nothing major. Sherri spent the night with me last night. We had an interesting time to say the least. The evening started out pretty normal. First we watched the videos we had rented (and ate three tons of popcorn). Then we went to bed and talked all night. Well, we didn't talk exactly. Not all night anyway.
Sherri told me more about what she and Mark did last week. I told her that I could not see how she could stand to do that stuff with him. She said that she had been kind of scared at first, but that it felt good. She told me that he unbuttoned her shirt and removed her bra. Then he squeezed and kissed her breasts, and sucked on them.
I must have turned forty shades of red when she said that because she laughed and said, "It felt really good."
I said, "Sure it did."
So do you know what she did? Who am I asking anyway? You can't answer me. You're just a book. God, I hope no one ever finds my diary and reads this!
I was wearing what I usually wear to bed, a long T-shirt and underwear. So all of the sudden, Sherri pulled up my shirt and started kissing my breasts. I could've died! I didn't obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this. Instead I just kind of melted inside. I was tingling all over. She told me to lie down on the bed so she could show me how good sex felt.
I said, "Sherri, I've never even kissed anyone before."
She said, "I know, and it's about time someone showed you what you're missing."
Then she kissed me. I could not believe how soft her mouth was. I mean, I had noticed before how full her lips were. I had even wondered what it would be like to kiss her. I never dreamed I'd ever actually do it!
It was really late when all this happened, so we didn't have to worry about my parents. Besides their bedroom is on the other side of the house. I'm really glad of that.
Anyway, she took all her clothes off and made me take mine off too. Okay, so she didn't make me. I wanted to, but it was kind of scary and exciting all at the same time. I had seen Sherri naked before because we practically grew up in the same house. But last night it was different. I couldn't stop looking at her body. I mean really looking at it. Like I'd never seen it before. It was so beautiful. I hadn't noticed before how round and big her breasts were getting.
So there we both were, lying there naked. Then she lay down on top of me. Her breasts felt soft on my skin. That was nice. It wasn't scary any more. It was just nice and soft and warm. Then she started touching my breasts again, first with her hands then with her lips and tongue. I felt warm all over and tingly. Then she started kissing me all over my body. She even kissed my "place" (I feel tingly just writing about that). She kept kissing it too. I thought I was going to explode. It felt so good.
Finally I sat up and said, "You and Mark did all this?"
Then she actually blushed. God, I have never seen Sherri blush before, and I've known her for eleven years!
"What exactly did you and Mark do?"
"He didn't get any further than my breasts. I was afraid my parents would come home, so we stopped. We didn't even take all our clothes off. We kissed a lot though."
"And here I thought you had done nearly everything! That's the way you talked the other day."
"It seemed like a lot to me at the time. Until now."
Then it was my turn to blush. Here I had been thinking that Sherri knew everything about sex, and now I probably know as much as she does. I can hardly believe it! We didn't do anything else after that. We just put our clothes back on, and went to sleep. I was so tired I actually went to sleep, even though my body was still tingling, and my mind was racing in high gear. I still feel sort of weird inside.
Sherri is acting strange. She wouldn't look me in the eye today at school. I don't know what is going on, but I don't like it. She hasn't talked to me since the night she stayed at my house. I don't know if she's mad at me, or what. I wasn't the one who started all that stuff, so she shouldn't be mad at me for anything.
Hi. Remember me? I'm your long lost journal writer. I haven't felt much like writing this week. I've been afraid to write. If I write I have to think, and I don't want to think right now. My head aches from crying so much. I can't help it though. I'm so confused and depressed. Sherri is acting like nothing happened between us. She's even still dating Mark. I don't understand how she can be with him after the other night. After all she did to me. After all the things we felt.
Yesterday she told me that I was silly to think about all that stuff as anything but a lesson in sex. A lesson in sex? Sex is something guys do to girls. That wasn't sex. I don't know what it was, but it's not what I think of, when I think of sex. What happened between us was some kind of strange fire. Well, I guess I got burned, and she just got singed a little.
I've been biking a lot lately. It helps me to think more clearly, especially if I ride way up into the mountains. There's this special place I go when I really need to think. It's very peaceful there. I call it my "quiet spot," because it's where I like to go when the world gets too noisy for me. It's just a little clearing in the midst of a bunch of tall Fraser fir trees. I've been there nearly every day for the past week. I like it so much because the scent of the Frasers reminds me of the Christmas trees we get every year. I really love the way they smell. It clears my head of confusion.
I don't understand Sherri, and I don't understand what happened. But I don't know what to do about any of it. So I guess I might as well forget about it, if I can. My bike can be my best friend from now on. I know it won't ever confuse me. I can just go to my quiet spot after school instead of going over to Sherri's. The trees can listen to my troubles. Sherri never was very good at listening anyway. She always did most of the talking.
I passed Steve Palencio when I was riding my bike today. He was up on Register Mountain
I passed Steve again today. I think if I see him again, I will say something to him. Though it's hard to have a conversation when you're flying down a mountain slope. I can just see it now. I'm flying down a steep hill, when I spot a biker that looks like Steve coming up the hill.
"Hey, Steeeeeveee!"
Some conversation, huh? Oh well. Maybe I'll see him at school long enough to say something to him.
I saw Steve again this afternoon. Only this time, he was the one flying down the hill. So instead of me yelling "Steeeeeveee," he shouted "Allie!" He didn't drag out the last syllable either. Mostly all I heard was a barking noise that sounded like it was saying "Al!" I guess the "lie" part went flying down the hill with him. Anyway, when I realized it was Steve I stopped and went back down to talk to him. It would have been mean to make him ride back up the hill.
He said that he had thought it was me he kept passing, but he wasn't sure. He just got a brand new bike. His brother wrecked his old BMX doing stunts, so their parents made Mark buy him a new one. Only he didn't get another BMX. Instead he got a mountain bike. It's really cool. It has twelve speeds! My road bike has only ten. Anyway, Steve and I are planning to go biking together some time this summer. I gave him my phone number.
Yes! School is out! I'm glad we didn't have to make up any snow days. I don't think I could've stayed in school any longer. I like school, but you can get too much of a good thing sometimes. Dad and I are going to a baseball game tonight. What a way to start summer vacation. I can't wait! I'll probably scream my lungs out and get hoarse.
Sherri called today to tell me that she and Mark broke up. I'm glad I guess. I'm not sure what to think about it really. She's been acting so strange around me ever since that one night. Personally I think that whole situation got to her too. She'd never admit it though. It still hurts, but I can't make her feel things she refuses to feel.
Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to about this. They always make a big deal about reminding us that the school counselors are there for us, if we need to talk. Somehow I can't imagine telling them about this. They'd probably accuse me of being a lesbian or something. I really don't think that is true.
Before Sherri and I did all that, I never really thought much about girls that way. Well, except for thinking about what it would be like to kiss Sherri, and that was just curiosity. I mean, I've also wondered what it would be like to kiss guys. It's not my fault I haven't had any experiences with them. There just aren't any decent guys in my school. Maybe if I lived in a bigger town, like Asheville Charlotte
Steve Palencio called me today. He wanted to know if we could go biking together next week. We decided to go Monday. I'm not doing anything else that day. I'm glad it's summer. I have a lot of free time now. I think I'll go swimming. Mom's home, so I don't have to worry about swimming alone. My parents are really strict about not letting me swim when no one else is around. That can be a real pain when you're an only child.
I went biking today with Steve. We rode up in the mountains for a couple hours. We must have biked at least twenty miles. It was a lot of fun. He's coming over tomorrow to go swimming. It's nice to have a friend again. I will probably never be as close to him as I was to Sherri. But then I will probably never be as close to Sherri as I used to be either. At least now I have someone to talk to about some things anyway. Sherri and I used to tell each other everything. I know I could never tell anyone about what happened between us. Especially not a guy!
I went on my first official "date" last night. Steve and I went to the movies. It was an incredibly stupid movie, but I had fun anyway. Steve kept making these funny remarks about the characters. He was much funnier than the show. He has a clever sense of humor. We're going biking again today. I guess I'd better get ready. He'll be here soon. Bye!
Sherri called last night while Mom and I were at the grocery store. She left a message with Dad. She told him to tell me that she'd had a fight with her parents and that she needed to talk to me. It was too late to call when I got back home though because Mom and I went to have an ice cream cone at the Polar Bear afterwards. So I still don't know what the fight was about. I'll bet it was mostly Sherri's fault. She's been really upset about breaking up with Mark. Whenever she gets that way, she takes it out on everyone else. Too bad school is out. There's no reason why she couldn't talk to a school counselor. At least this is a normal teenage problem.
Sherri just called. I found out why she was fighting with her folks. They found out that she was having sex with Mark. I didn't know they were actually doing it. Damn! How could she do that? I can't believe it. I knew he was no good. I wonder if Steve knows about it. Knowing guys, he probably does. I guess I'm the last to find out. I can't believe this. She's probably pregnant now and will have to get an abortion or have a baby. Oh god! How could she be so stupid?
Steve came over to swim again today. He didn't know about Sherri and Mark either. I'm really surprised though, the ways guys talk. They act like they've just won a trophy if they get a girl to have sex with them. How stupid! All they ever think about is sex.
I just reread my last entry. I'm beginning to think that all I think about is sex. One night of sex and my whole life has changed. I can't quit thinking about how good it felt when Sherri touched me. Sometimes I touch myself to see if I will feel tingly all over. It feels good, but it's a lonely kind of feeling good. Why did Sherri start all that with me and then run away? That was so unfair! Especially since she refuses even to talk about it. I feel so alone now. So isolated from everyone. If it weren't for Steve, I wouldn't have any real friends at all. I can't even talk to most of my more casual friends any more. The things they like to talk about seem incredibly stupid to me.
Steve came over today. I found out that he likes the Tourists too. I'm going to see if he can come with Dad and me to some of the games. Unfortunately the Tourists are playing a bunch of games out of town right now. They're going to be in Charlotte
Steve's family left yesterday to go on vacation for several days, so I'm back to solo swimming and biking. Too bad Sherri isn't a biker. She likes to swim sometimes, but lately, she doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. I think she's looking for a new boyfriend. She's not likely to find one hanging out with me. I don't go to the places where guys hang out. I'm just not interested in dating. I’m confused enough as it is.
Friday, June 24, 1983
Steve is back in town, and so are the Tourists. Dad said that it would be all right if he goes to the game with us tonight. I can't wait! I just love baseball. I wish we could have a girls’ baseball or softball team here in Spruceton. They just started a girls’ softball league in Asheville
It doesn't help either that I don't have a southern accent like most of the people at school. But my family is from Ohio
Sherri and her family are originally from New Jersey
Maybe I'm really an alien. Maybe I'm adopted. No, that's stupid. I fit in fine with my parents. It's the rest of the world that makes me wonder. Except for Steve. He's not too bad. He's from Charlotte
So much for my great summer of baseball. The Tourists are terrible this year! They lost four of the last five games they played. Steve went with us to the last two. That was the only thing that made the games fun. He and Dad started telling each other jokes. Those two seem to get along really well. Dad even told me that he thought that Steve was a good choice for a boyfriend. I wouldn't exactly call him a boyfriend. He’s really just a good friend. He's coming over to swim today. He's a really good diver. He can do all kinds of cool flips and stuff.
I guess I was wrong about Steve not being a boyfriend. He kissed me today when we were out by the pool. It was okay, but not as soft as Sherri's kisses. Plus he tasted kind of sweaty. It definitely didn't make me tingle all over. Maybe that happens only with your first kiss. I guess I'm rather ignorant when it comes to sex. I just never thought about it much before. You see these sex scenes in movies all the time, but they don't tell you that sex makes them feel warm and tingly when you’re actually doing it. Maybe the library has some books on it, some that aren't as stupid as the films they show in school. Those are really about starting your period and all that puberty stuff. That’s pretty boring.
I went to the library today to look up sex. Oh my god, was that ever a mistake! While I was looking in the card catalog, this really cute guy came over. I nearly died. I flipped the cards to another spot so fast I ripped one. I know I must have turned forty shades of purple. I'm sure he could tell I was blushing. He gave me a strange look.
I went to the library again. This time I managed to look up sex in the catalog. There were a lot of books, but I narrowed it down to three. When I went to find them in the stacks, there were people in the aisle, so I kept going. When they left, I went back and pulled out one of the books. I can't believe they keep books like that in the library! There were all these pictures of naked people. They were only drawings and not real photographs, but still. I was so embarrassed I couldn't even check any of them out.
I have decided to find out about sex firsthand. I'm not quite sure how to tell Steve, but maybe I can just hint around some. We're supposed to go biking today. We'll see what happens.
Later--Steve is either very shy or very stupid. I dropped a couple of hints today about being curious about everything. But he didn't get it. Well, maybe he got it, but pretended not to because he doesn't like me that way. He hasn't tried to kiss me since that first time. That was three days ago. Maybe I didn't do it right. Oh great! One bad kiss, and now he's going to dump me. I'm not about to try looking up books on kissing though. I've learned my lesson with libraries!
Steve and I had a long talk today. He said that he really likes me, but he just wants us to be friends. I asked him if it was because I didn't kiss him right. He said that I kissed fine, but that he just didn't want to get serious with anyone right now. I told him that was okay with me. I didn't really like it anyway. Kissing him was kind of like kissing a brother or something. It's hard to explain really, particularly since I don’t even have a brother. It wasn't anything at all like kissing Sherri.
The Fourth of July is great! Especially when you get to see cool fireworks. Dad, Mom, Steve, and I went to the Tourists game tonight. After the game, the Asheville Fire Department set off a fireworks display at the baseball park. It was awesome!
One of the guys running the display got hurt though. He didn't get burned or anything. He just tripped on something and cut his head really bad on a wooden platform. It was pretty gross when he came walking by us with blood streaming down his head. I thought I was going to lose my dinner.
We're leaving tomorrow to go to the beach. I can't wait. I'm going to miss Steve though. Sherri, too, even though I don't see her much anymore. She's dating some guy named Larry. He's nineteen. She's sixteen now, but I'm still kind of worried about her after what happened with Mark. I found out that her folks were upset with her before, not because she was having sex with Mark, but because they weren't using anything to keep her from getting pregnant. She now has her own supply of those rubber things. How disgusting!
So far the trip is great! We drove over early this morning and checked in as soon as they would let us. After lunch we went swimming in the ocean. It's so neat to hear the sound of the waves. I love it here. I wish I could live near the ocean. Of course, I like the mountains too. I guess I'll have to buy two houses when I'm older—one on the coast and one in the mountains. Too bad there aren't any towns in North Carolina
I met a cute guy today when I went to play video games at the arcade. He has black hair and soft brown eyes. He's kind of short, only a couple inches taller than me. His name is Jimmy or Timmy. I'm not sure which, but I was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat it. Of course it was so noisy in the arcade, I probably wouldn't have understood him even if he had told me a second time.
His name is Jimmy. One of his friends called him, just as I walked up to him today. Talk about good timing. He's from Newark , New Jersey
Oh god, can Jimmy ever kiss! Tonight we went walking along the beach. It wasn't dark yet. When we came to a really isolated spot, he pulled me to the ground and started kissing my lips and face. I hardly knew what was happening. At any rate, I got tingly again! Now isn't that bizarre? I got tingly when I kissed him and when I kissed Sherri. Maybe I'm just attracted to people from New Jersey
Anyway, I finally got myself together enough to tell him that I really needed to get back before my parents came looking for me. They don't exactly know Jimmy well enough to let me go away with him for a long time.
I think things are going too fast for me. Jimmy took me back to the same place this afternoon. After we kissed for a few minutes, he pulled my bathing suit down to my waist, and started kissing my breasts and running his hands all over my body. I told him to stop. He didn't at first, until I forced myself up from beneath him. He looked surprised and said, "I'm sorry. Are you a virgin? I didn't realize."
I said, "Not really. I just don't like to go this fast."
He kind of laughed and said, "Okay, I'm sorry. It's just that we have so little time, and you are so beautiful."
No one has ever told me I was beautiful before, at least not anyone who isn't related to me, and that hardly counts. Relatives will tell you that you are beautiful, even if you look like a toad.
I'm really confused. Why is it that everything Sherri did to me felt so wonderful? It didn't feel all that great with Jimmy today. We went back to the same spot on the beach. This time Jimmy asked permission to kiss me. Then he asked if he could touch my breasts.
When I said, "I guess so," he began pulling my bathing suit down. I thought he was going to stop at my waist like he did before, only he didn't. He kept tugging on it until it was down to my feet. I stepped out of it, feeling very naked and very nervous. Then he took off his trunks. I didn't dare look at him below his chest. I think I would've fainted.
I said, "I am a virgin."
He smiled. "I know. It's okay. It won't hurt."
But it did hurt. Oh, god! I can't believe I let him do that to me. I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore. Well, I guess I've now gotten my second lesson in sex. Somehow I think I was better off without it.
I went with Jimmy again today. I don't know why. I guess I thought I had to. We have only a few days left, and he has such soft brown eyes. We had sex again. It didn't hurt as much, but it still didn't feel good. I really don't understand. Maybe having sex with guys is like eating raw oysters or drinking coffee. Dad says that you have to acquire a taste for those things.
If you'd like to read more, you can find my titles online worldwide at many booksellers. You can also order titles from my online bookstore, Bookshop Without Borders using the links along the right side of this page. However, it's best if you drop me an email at bookshopwithoutborders@gmail.com or message me on Facebook. I can still invoice you via PayPal, but I can often offer you a better deal on shipping if you're buying multiple titles. You can still use credit cards, e-checks, or your PayPal account to pay. You can even let me know if you'd like to mail a check or money order. I'll be watching for it and will send your order as soon as I receive payment. You don't have to go high tech to get a book from me.
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