List Price: $16.95
6" x 9" (15.24 x 22.86 cm)
Black & White on Cream paper
204 pages
Black & White on Cream paper
204 pages
ISBN-13: 978-1438253763
ISBN-10: 1438253761
BISAC: Fiction / Lesbian
ISBN-10: 1438253761
BISAC: Fiction / Lesbian
Where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? Are you responsible for the content of your dreams? What about when your dreams begin to spill over into your waking hours? For months, Jill, a twenty-something lesbian, had been daydreaming about her sexy, Latino co-worker, Marie. Interesting things start to happen when her night dreaming begins to involve nocturnal trysts with her fantasy paramour. When the women discover they are having the same dreams, they raise the stakes on their telepathically shared nightlife. Their dream world shatters when Marie’s nocturnal passion overflows into her daytime relationship with her violent, sexually addicted husband.
In My Dreams illustrates the blurring of boundaries we experience when we enter the world of our dreams. It also reminds us that there are always consequences when we begin to act consciously on that inner world of the dreaming mind. Sometimes those consequences are harder than anyone could have anticipated.
For months, Jill, a twenty-something lesbian, had been daydreaming about her sexy, Latino co-worker, Marie. Interesting things start to happen when her night dreaming begins to involve nocturnal trysts with her fantasy paramour. When the women discover they are having the same dreams, they decide to raise the stakes on their telepathically shared nightlife. The sparks start flying though when Marie's nocturnal passion overflows into her daytime relationship with her violent, sexually addicted husband.
In My Dreams illustrates the blurring of boundaries we experience when we enter the world of our dreams. It also reminds us that there are always consequences when we begin to act consciously on that inner world of the dreaming mind. Sometimes those consequences are harder than anyone could have anticipated.
For months, Jill, a twenty-something lesbian, had been daydreaming about her sexy, Latino co-worker, Marie. Interesting things start to happen when her night dreaming begins to involve nocturnal trysts with her fantasy paramour. When the women discover they are having the same dreams, they decide to raise the stakes on their telepathically shared nightlife. The sparks start flying though when Marie's nocturnal passion overflows into her daytime relationship with her violent, sexually addicted husband.
Chapter 1
Stolen Moments
I sensed the thrill of a stolen moment as my fingers brushed back a lock of auburn hair that had fallen in front of her left eye. I cupped her face in my hand, gently tilting it up towards mine so that our eyes met. I saw in them a passion that seemed to echo the intensity I was experiencing and was thus emboldened to make the first move. When my lips landed softly on hers, I felt a surge of excitement and danger.
After a fleeting moment of bliss, she pulled away from me, wrenching her body from my embrace. Turning quickly, she knocked over the kitchen chair, on which she had been seated before she stood up to give me a hug.
“Why did you do that?”
Like a child caught misbehaving, yet in denial of the fact, I responded innocently. “What?”
“You kissed me! Why did you do that?”
“Oh, that.”
“Yes, that! What else would I be referring to?”
I hung my head, shame filling the breast that had so recently felt bold and brave. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I thought... I felt... You looked...”
“I looked like what?”
I paused, took a deep breath, and then forged ahead. “I thought that you wanted me to kiss you.”
“That I…? Whatever gave you that idea?”
“The look you gave me when I brushed the hair out of your eyes. It was soft and tender. It just felt right for me to kiss you. I’m sorry I startled you. Obviously I misinterpreted your body language. I won’t do it again. In fact, I should just leave now.” I turned and walked towards the door.
“Stop! I’m sorry. You’re right. I did want you to kiss me. I-I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s happening.”
I turned back towards her and saw the look of pain and confusion in her eyes. I tilted my head to the side like an eager puppy. “You did want me to kiss you?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She took two steps towards me and reached out her arms. “And I think I’d really like for you to do it again.”
I walked into her waiting arms and gave her a warm, lush, passionate kiss. After a moment or two, I felt as though I were buzzing with all the electricity in our kiss. Then I realized that it wasn’t me who was buzzing, but something in the background. It sounded like an alarm. Then it hit me.
I sat up in bed and slammed my hand down on the snooze bar. “Damn! It was just a dream!” I punched my pillow with great ferocity, exclaiming with each blow, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” I violently disentangled my limbs from the covers and pulled my nightshirt over my head. I stalked angrily to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I took a moment to pee in the toilet while the water warmed up then stepped under the spray of a disinterested showerhead.
After I was sufficiently scrubbed and shampooed, I stalked back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed next to my ever-faithful sleeping companion, trying to calm myself. “I can’t believe I had another dream about her,” I whispered to my Cocker Spaniel, as I stroked her curly black fur. “I hardly know her. What is it about this woman that makes me keep dreaming about her? She’s married, for goodness sake. She’s probably never even dreamed about having a relationship with a woman. I’ve got to get a love life. A real love life. This is driving me out of my mind!”
I bent over and kissed Jolly on the head and thanked her for listening to the ravings of a sex-starved lesbian. Then I set my mind to the task of finding something to wear to work. I found myself judging my wardrobe on the basis of whether I thought Marie would think I looked sexy in it. Then I realized that she probably never even noticed what I wore to work. Although she had mentioned a couple times that she liked my polo shirt with the denim collar.
“Hmm. What do you think, Jolly, should I wear the denim work shirt? If she likes me in denim, this would certainly give her the full effect.” Jolly wagged her tail at me, and I took that as confirmation. I slipped into my khaki chinos and tucked the denim shirt in, while I dug in the closet for my brown belt and boots. When I had completed my ensemble, I took a quick glance in the mirror to make sure nothing was out of place then headed to the kitchen for a bite of breakfast.
I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and poured a bowl of Raisin Bran from the box. Jolly followed me into the kitchen and looked sadly at her empty food bowl. I filled her food dish first then went to the fridge for some milk for my cereal. After I had finished eating, I rinsed my bowl and set it in the dishwasher. Looking satisfied and completely content with her lot in life, Jolly walked over to the doggy door and pawed at it. I unlocked it and patted her head as she went out for her morning romp in the backyard.
I switched on the television to find out what to expect from the weather on this Monday morning. I was hardly surprised when the forecast called for scattered showers throughout the Puget Sound region. What was spring in Seattle, after all, without the April showers? I bid the weatherman a lovely day and grabbed my Gore-Tex jacket from the coat rack. I snatched my keys from the coffee table and exited the house, dead-bolting the door behind me.
While I defrosted the windshield and warmed up the engine of my green Honda Civic hatchback, I searched the radio waves for something other than morning talk shows. I finally found the light jazz station and melted into the upholstery as I recognized the rich tones of Randy Crawford. “Randy, you have such a sexy voice. Why don’t you stop by my house tonight for a little wine and romance?”
When she didn’t respond, I backed the car out of the driveway and headed for the office. I am fortunate in the fact that my work commute is short, if not exactly sweet. I do not have to get anywhere near the freeways in order to get to my place of employment. After less than ten minutes of back street driving, I pulled into the driveway of Renton Honda, my home-sweet-home away from home. I waved at Dave, a salesman I went to high school with, and then zoomed around back to find a parking spot.
I pulled up next to Marie’s dark blue Accord sedan. My heart jumped into my throat when I realized she was still sitting in her car. She was wiping her eyes with a tissue. I walked over to make sure she was all right. She turned towards me and smiled a heart-stopping smile then opened her car door.
I leaned towards her over the car door and tried to catch her eye. “You okay, Marie?”
“Sure, Jill, why do ask?” She responded in her sexy, silky Latino voice. She slipped out of her car, shutting and locking the door behind her. She hung her leather purse strap over her shoulder.
I reached out to help her with the stack of files she was trying to juggle along with her keys and coffee mug. “I just thought that maybe you’d been crying or something.” I took her commuter mug from her so she wouldn’t spill her drink on the lovely burgundy dress that was peeking out from between the lapels of her trench coat.
She turned back towards me and blinked a couple times. “No, I got something in my eye this morning. It’s been driving me crazy. I hope whatever it was didn’t scratch the cornea.”
My stomach did a backwards somersault, landing slightly off balance, as I remembered that this morning’s dream had started when I helped Marie remove something from her eye. That was how we had found ourselves in an intimate situation. I sat her down in a chair in her kitchen and removed a dark speck with a Q-tip. Then she stood up and gave me a prolonged hug. Without stepping back, she had looked up at me, and in that moment the lock of hair had fallen into her eyes. I sighed and bowed my head as I relived the intensity of that dream kiss.
“Jill, are you all right?”
I looked up, startled by Marie’s question. “I, yeah, sure, I’m okay. I was just remembering something.”
“Well, it sure looked like an entrancing memory. I thought that you were having an out of body experience there for a minute.” She hooked her arm through mine and started walking me towards the building where we both worked.
I laughed nervously. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I was just recalling a dream I had this morning.”
She stopped walking abruptly and tugged at my arm, turning me towards her. I stopped in my tracks as she looked at me suspiciously. “Anything you would care to share?”
I stuffed one fist in my pocket and barely stopped myself in time before I accidentally took a sip of Marie’s coffee. I cleared my throat and shifted my weight a bit to one side. “Um, well, actually, you were in it.”
The look Marie gave me in response was more of an accusing stare. “Oh?”
“Yeah. It’s kind of weird because I was over at your house for some reason, though I have no idea what your house looks like. You know how dreams are. Anyway, you had gotten something in your eye, and I helped you get it out.” Marie looked at me with an expression that could only be described as astonishment. “Marie?”
“I don’t believe this,” she said, almost to herself, taking a step backward.
“What?”
“I had a similar dream, only we were in your house, or what I presumed to be your house, since it didn’t resemble my house in the least.”
“Now wait a minute. Are you telling me that we had the same dream?”
“Sounds like it.” Marie’s face reddened a bit.
I ran my hand through my hair and expelled a really long breath. “So did anything else happen in your dream?”
Marie looked down at the ground then started walking quickly towards the office. “Um, yeah, there was a little bit more, but that’s kind of fuzzy.”
I stood there for a second or two, stunned by this revelation. Then I trotted after her, being careful not to spill her coffee. “So when did you get something in your eye?”
“I don’t know. Five o’clock maybe. I had gotten up to say goodbye to Enrico, and when I got back into bed for a little more sleep, I felt something gritty in my eye. I guess it must’ve gotten incorporated into my dream.”
“That makes plenty of sense to me. What doesn’t make sense is that I should have the same dream.”
“Yes, that is truly odd.”
When we got to the door, I reached around Marie and pulled it open and held it for her. She turned and smiled almost coquettishly at me. I nearly let go of the door. Recovering in time, I managed to re-establish my grip before I completely lost it. Marie paused for a moment then started walking down the hallway towards her office. I opened that door for her too, handed her the coffee mug, and then continued on my way to the parts department, my mind filled with questions, my heart filled with conflicting emotions.
I tried all morning to put aside the memory of the dream. Yet it seemed to linger in the air like the scent of a smoldering campfire. When lunchtime arrived, I decided to walk to the deli for a sandwich. I nearly bumped into Marie as I started past the door to her office.
“Oh, Jill! Hi there. I’m sorry I almost knocked you down. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“That’s okay. Are you off to lunch?”
“Yeah, I thought I’d grab a bite at the deli.”
“What a coincidence. I was heading that way myself. Mind if I join you?”
Marie hesitated momentarily then responded almost too casually, “Um, sure. Why not?”
Marie pushed through the door ahead of me. I looked over her head out into the daylight. I was pleasantly surprised to find that wherever the scattered showers were today, they were definitely not over Renton at the moment. The sun was beaming down warmly on us. As we walked, I noticed that Marie looked a bit uncomfortable. Finally I said, “Look, is there something wrong? Would you rather not have lunch together?”
Marie paused and looked intently at me. “No, I’m all right, I guess.”
“Is it the business about the dream?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Yes, I guess it is.”
“That wasn’t really a multiple choice question, you know.” I smiled, thinking that it would be amazing if she really had experienced the same dream as mine.
Marie smiled at me and laughed. As we started walking again, she said, “No, I suppose not. I just can’t seem to get it out of my mind. The dream, I mean.”
“I know. I’ve been thinking about it all morning. It’s pretty weird really. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before.”
“Well, that’s the thing I don’t understand, Jill. I have a history of having weird dreams. Dreams that predict things that end up happening later.”
“What kind of things?”
“All kinds of things. Babies being born to women who aren’t pregnant yet. People dying of illnesses that haven’t yet been diagnosed. Car accidents before they happen.”
“Whoa! That’s pretty strange. I don’t mean to be pushy, but what else was in your dream? I mean since it has to do with me and all?”
Marie blushed visibly. “You first.”
“I, well, after I got the speck out of your eye, we, um, you know, sort of kissed. Then you got mad at me. Then we kissed again. Now it’s your turn.”
Marie started walking a little bit faster, as though she wished to run away from me. “Yeah, well, that pretty much sums up my dream too.”
“Really?” I tried to get her to look me in the eye, but she avoided my glance.
“Yes, really.” A lock of her hair became dislodged from its place behind her ear and dropped like a theater curtain between us. We walked along in silence until we reached the deli. I opened the door for Marie then followed her inside.
After we received our orders, we sat down at one of the tables. When I took a bite of my corned beef on rye, I noticed that Marie was staring at me. “What?” I said when my mouth wasn’t so full.
“I’m sorry, Jill, but I am very confused about all this. I don’t understand what is happening. I don’t know where that dream came from, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
I looked at Marie’s worried expression and smiled a reassuring smile. “Look, we both had the same dream. Sure, that’s a strange coincidence. Obviously you’re somewhat sensitive to psychic energy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s prophetic. Weird perhaps but not necessarily something that has to come true. Okay? So stop worrying about it and eat your lunch. You’re thin enough without skipping meals. It’s not good for you, you know.”
“What’s not good for me?” she asked, looking distracted.
“Worrying for one thing and not eating for another.” I dabbed my mouth with my napkin. “Come on, I’m not going to attack you, Marie. I don’t even know you that well. Chalk the dream up to indigestion, a weird hormonal blip, or whatever. But please stop worrying about it. I’m lesbian, yes, but you, you’re straight and married. End of discussion.”
“But that’s just it, Jill. I’m not exactly straight.” She practically whispered the last two words.
“What?” I barely managed to say without choking on my sandwich.
“Well, I guess I am now, but in college I wasn’t.”
“Are you telling me that you used to be lesbian?”
“I wasn’t exclusively lesbian.”
“Bisexual then?”
“Shh!” She looked around at the other customers in the restaurant, none of whom appeared to be aware of our existence. “That would be more accurate, though I actually thought I would end up settling down with a woman one day until I met Enrico. He came along during a period in my life when I was really depressed. He made me laugh. We became good friends. Then he asked me to marry him, so I did. That was the end of any other relationships with men or women.”
“So, just how involved did you get in college?”
She shot me a look of exasperation. “Let’s just say that I have a T-shirt from a gay pride parade that says, ‘I can’t even march straight.’”
I leaned towards her with a big smirk on my face. “You’re kidding me!”
“No, I most certainly am not. But don’t you see? I have these prophetic dreams sometimes, and I don’t want this one to come true!”
“Gee, thanks!” I sat back in my seat, feeling my ego instantly deflate.
“It’s not you, Jill. It’s Enrico. He’s a decent man in his own way, and I do care for him. We’ve had our rough spots, but we work it out. I don’t want us to split up.”
“So who says you have to split up? Who says the dream has to come true? Maybe it was just you picking up on my energy, incorporating it into your dreams.”
Marie stopped in mid-thought and smiled coyly at me. “Is that a less than subtle way of telling me that you’re attracted to me?”
I choked on my sandwich, reached for a second napkin to wipe my mouth, and knocked my Dr. Pepper onto the floor, all in a space of a few seconds. As I squatted down to wipe up my mess, a young man walked over, mop in hand, and cleaned up the puddle before I could wrestle another napkin out of the overfilled dispenser on our table.
“Thank you,” I mumbled in his direction.
He smiled and nodded. I had to wonder if he’d been listening to our conversation. As I sat back down in my chair, I looked at Marie. She was smiling boldly at me. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I took another bite of my sandwich and hid my face in my free hand while I painstakingly chewed and swallowed. When I looked up again, Marie was still sitting there beaming at me. It seemed to me that she was enjoying herself a great deal at my expense. Finally I managed to whisper, “Well, maybe just a little bit.”
Marie proceeded to wolf down her sandwich and potato chips, smiling all the while.
After we had finished eating, we cleaned up our debris and headed back over to the office. As we strolled along, it suddenly hit me that for a woman who had been very displeased about her potentially prophetic dream, Marie had rather swiftly transformed into a contented soul.
“Um, I take it by the pleased look on your face that you’re glad that I’m attracted to you?”
She smiled at me. “Why certainly. Everyone likes to be attractive to other people.”
“And you don’t mind being attractive to a lesbian?”
“Of course not. Why should I?”
“I don’t know. You just seem to have gone from being disheartened to being delighted in a very small space of time. What exactly did I miss?”
“You didn’t miss anything. I’m just feeling good about myself right now, and I’m not going to worry about the dream. It doesn’t do any good anyway. If it’s going to happen, then it’s going to happen. I can’t exactly stop it.”
I stopped in my tracks and stared after her, my mouth hanging open slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean? Don’t you think people have free will? Don’t you think we have a choice about the outcome of our lives?”
Marie stopped and turned back towards me. “I suppose so, but it just seems that every time I have one of those dreams, it comes true.”
“What do you mean by ‘one of those dreams?’ Do all your dreams come true? How do you know which ones are supposed to be prophetic and which ones are just dreams?”
“It’s just a feeling I get. I don’t know how to explain it. I was trying to talk myself into believing it wasn’t prophetic, until you told me that you’d had the same dream.”
“I don’t get it. You think this dream will come true just because I had a similar one?”
Marie put her hands on her hips and glared at me as though I were completely out of it. “The same dream, Jill. Shall we compare them a little more closely? Tell me everything you remember in as vivid detail as you can manage.”
I cleared my throat nervously. “Okay, well, as I recall it, I was getting something out of your eye. You were sitting in a chair in a kitchen that wasn’t mine, but I thought was yours. Then you stood up and gave me a hug for getting it out for you. Instead of releasing me, you leaned your head back and looked up into my eyes. I thought your eyes were communicating passion to me, so I brushed a lock of your hair back then leaned over and kissed you on the lips.
“After we kissed for a moment, you pulled away from me abruptly, knocking over the chair in the process. Then you asked me what I was doing. I mumbled something about thinking that you had wanted me to kiss you. You acted very offended, so I backed off, apologized, and started to leave.”
Marie interrupted my tale by saying, “Then I came to my senses and realized that I had been silently willing you to kiss me. When I told you that, I also told you that I wanted you to kiss me again.”
Suddenly uncomfortable, I started walking briskly towards the office.
Marie came up quickly beside me as we arrived at the back door to the office. “You tell it in such a dispassionate fashion, but for me it was a very hot dream. To be honest, Jill, it had a strong impact on me. I awoke feeling intoxicated, and now, now I am overwhelmed by my desire to have that kiss.”
Not wanting to look into her eyes, I glanced at my watch then slid down to sit on the sidewalk to catch my breath and sort out my thoughts. Marie leaned over me, mussed my hair, and then went inside.
“How can you say that to me and then just walk away?” She couldn’t hear me, of course, though I hoped she was psychic enough to sense my confusion.
I finally gathered up my wits enough to return to my office. I found a piece of scratch paper and wrote these words: “How could you say something like that then leave me sitting there?” I signed it “J.” I walked over to Marie’s office and stuck my head in to see if she was around. She wasn’t at her desk, so I folded the note in half, wrote her name on it, and tucked it into the corner of her desk calendar. I retreated back to my office before she could return to catch me in the act.
About ten minutes later, while I had my ear attached to the phone listening to someone complain about bad windshield wiper blades, Marie stuck her head in the door. When she saw that I was on the phone, she winked then put a slip of paper down on my desk. It was folded. I motioned for her to wait a minute, but she shook her head at me and vanished back into the hallway.
When I had finally managed to extricate myself from the phone, I snatched up the piece of paper and opened it. It read: “See you in my dreams.” I dropped the paper as though it had burned me. I ran both hands through my hair then glanced in the mirror across the room to check on my appearance. As I suspected, that motion had made my short blonde hair stick up on my head in distinctly rooster-like fashion. I pulled a comb from my desk drawer, set my wild hairs back in place, and started pacing back and forth. The phone rang before I was able to wear a hole in the carpet.
After what felt like the longest afternoon of my life, five o’clock finally arrived. I picked up the note and slipped it into my jacket pocket then hurried out to see if I could beat Marie to her car. When I got to my car, I was disappointed to find hers already gone. I pulled the note out and read it again, trying to figure out what it meant. Did she really think we might have the same dream again? Or a different dream that we both shared? Was something like that even possible? Or was she just flirting with me?
As I made my way home, I finally decided that Marie was just teasing me about my crush on her. Perhaps she was just enjoying being wanted by me and was going to play it for all it was worth. Well, so be it. Two could play that game. I would just enjoy the fact that she was happy that I found her so attractive.
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